Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
