Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
