If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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