Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
