have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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