the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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