Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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