I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
