I'm really into asian looking animals
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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