all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
