You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
