The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
