Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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