Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
