I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
