people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
