Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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