Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
