I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
