when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
