I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
