All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
