Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
and she was petting her beer can
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
