one might say we're banned from that church
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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