i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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