I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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