just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
