Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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