i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
