Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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