She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
