I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
