My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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