Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
