You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
