whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
