yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
