meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
