your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
