I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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