fuck your aforementioned shoe
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
