If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
