I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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