: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
