Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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