Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
