and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
