Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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