Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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