made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
