i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
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drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
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Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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