Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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