so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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