:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
