Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
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The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
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I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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