Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
