I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
