A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
