Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
