i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
