This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
