I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
