operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I checked into jail on foursquare
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
