youre lurking in front of me
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
