why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
