Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
