Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
