I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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