I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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