having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
