Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
