Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
