Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize